Immunizations? Fuggedaboutit!

After several months of standing in lines, waiting for processing, wondering if we should have just shelled out the 6 G's Columbia wanted for health insurance, and watching Rhys turn 9 months old without having had his 6 month immunizations, Rhys was finally accepted to Medicaid. Hooray!

I thought it was a little weird when I learned that they just assign you to a doctor but I was so happy to finally have a pediatrician I called to make an appointment right away. But, as with every other gosh dang business in this city, the phone just rang, and rang, and rang. No message, no way to leave a message, just eternal ringing. Honestly- how New York can consider itself progressive and efficient I will never understand! After a few hours of this, I decided to look up the address- only to find the office is located just around the corner from us. So I bundled us up and strolled down there.

Posted inside the darkened office, and behind a locked security gate was a cute little sign that said "Office Hours: Monday-Friday 10 am to 5 pm." It was 2:30 pm on a Monday. I couldn't believe I'd waited 3 months to get a no-show pediatrician without voicemail.

So today on a whim I decide to give the phone number one more try- totally expecting to listen to a ringer on repeat again. To my surprise, it was answered on the first ring. Here's how the conversation went: (you'll have to add in Dr. Vitale's strong New York Jewish accent on your own- think Woody Allen mixed with Mel Brooks and make it really fast and really loud)

DR. VITALE: (so loudly I have to pull the receiver away from my ear) Hall-o?
ME: (rubbing my ear while recovering from the shock of someone answering) Umm...is this Dr. Vitale's office?
DR. VITALE: Yah- that's me. Whaddya want?
ME: I need to schedule an appointment for my son.
DR. VITALE: Why? He sick or somethin'?
ME: No, no. He just got approved for Medicaid and he...
DR. VITALE: Oh yah and they assigned you to me huh? Alright, here's whatcha gonna do. You bring him on a Friday or a Monday at 10 am and bring his shot record. You won't wait long, 'cause I'm outta here by twelve, see? So you can't wait longer than that. How old is he?
ME: 9 months.
DR. VITALE: A little guy, eh? Well that means we gotta have some blood. So you bring him on a Friday 'cause I've got a good girl in here on Fridays. Real good at gettin' blood from those little ones. Okay?
ME: (starting to stammer again) Um. Okay. Well, we just moved here recently and I haven't had a doctor until now so he hasn't had...
DR. VITALE: Just moved here huh? From where?
ME: Utah.
DR. VITALE: (with incredulity) Utah? You Mormon?
ME: Yes, I am...
DR. VITALE: Oh, well that's okay. We take care of Mormons here too. The doc who trained me was Mormon. Cheap guy, real cheap. He told me a lot of stuff about the Mormons. All that 10% stuff and what-not. Anyway that's good. Well, we'll see you soon okay. Let me give you my home number so you can call me after hours. (rattles off his number) This is my home number, and I'm married so I'm there all the time, you know what I mean? But don't call me too late unless it's an emergency 'cause I'm OLD, see? Alright, buh-bye now.
(hangs up before I can finish telling him Rhys is 3 months behind on his shots)

So. There's really no point to this story. I just wanted to write it down so I can laugh about it someday and so you can laugh at it right now. It's just another great example of what it's like to live in New York City.